Fifteen?!

Something a little unexpected happened at work today.  This coming Monday will be my 15th anniversary of working for my company.  I knew that in the back of my head, but I wasn't expecting anything related to that today.  But since we have the day off on Monday, my boss brought it up this morning.  I got a nice certificate and a lovely paperweight-ish item to commemorate the occasion.  But much better was the gift from the people I work with, pictured above.  Do they know me, or what? =)  Okay, not well enough to know that I don't really like white chocolate, lol.  But the thought is definitely what counts, and it certainly won't go to waste, since everyone else here likes it, and I can find fun ways to use it for decorating stuff.  I love the cupcake stencils, mainly because they're something I wouldn't have thought to buy for myself.  I think I need to bake some cupcakes this weekend now...  Something that my coworkers were surely hoping for.  =)

Be good to yourself

So, do any of you totally beat yourselves up after making a mistake?  I just can't seem to stop.  Logically, I know that I just need to learn from it and move on, since I can't change what's already happened.  But emotionally, I can't let it go.  I go over and over things in my head, finding all of the things that I think I should have noticed at the time.   Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and the more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. (And of course none of this is helped by the fact that I've been really, really tired due to my crazy work schedule the past couple of weeks.)

I really need to stop being such a perfectionist.  Yes, it's important to do a good job.  But the world won't end if things aren't totally perfect.  I'm that way about way too many things in my life, including baking.  I can't seem to help apologizing for everything, including things that other people wouldn't have any clue about if I didn't say anything.  I'm starting to realize that it keeps me from blogging more, too.  I worry that my pictures don't look good enough.  I worry that what I write about isn't interesting enough.

So how do you deal with this sort of stuff?  How do you get yourselves out of a funk and back to being more productive?

I debated whether to share these cookies.  After all, I've already blogged about the base recipe, the Cook's Illustrated Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Why would anyone be interested a relatively small change that I made?  But what the heck--I like the way they turned out, and maybe you wouldn't think to do it on your own, or wouldn't know how to go about it.  It may have seemed to me like an obvious thing to try, but not everyone thinks like me.  (Thank goodness, or we'd all be too busy worrying to ever get anything done!)

I've altered cookie doughs in the past by substituting cocoa powder for some of the flour in the recipe.  You don't want to just add cocoa, or you'll end up with dry cookies.  Cocoa has a starchy quality to it, so it can fill in for part of the flour.  I decided to swap out about half a cup.  I prefer the flavor of natural cocoa, so that's what I used.  I wanted to bring out as much of the chocolate flavor as possible, so I took a tip from some of the chocolate cake recipes I make--a number of them mix cocoa with boiling water so the flavor can "bloom."  I didn't have water in this recipe, so I whisked it into the warm browned butter before adding the sugars.  Other than that, I followed the recipe as written.  For the mix-ins, I wanted a couple different types, so I split the dough in half.  Both portions got chocolate chips, but one half also got peanut butter chips while the other got white chips.  I like chocolate and peanut butter, but Gillian recently informed me that she does NOT like the PB chips.  Plus I wanted to be able to pack some of the cookies in Brianna's school lunch (this was about a month ago), and she really shouldn't take things with peanut butter.

The verdict?  Well, happily, I'm doing a lot better than when I started writing this post this morning.  I got past the sick feeling in my stomach and got mad at the situation, instead of just at myself.  And the cookies?  They were much appreciated both at home and at work.  I'll definitely be making this chocolate version again.  If you'd like to give it a try for yourself, here's the ingredient list I used.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
(adapted from Cook's Illustrated)

200 grams all-purpose flour
45 grams natural cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
14 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
100 grams granulated sugar
150 grams dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon table salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
340 grams mix-ins of your choice

For the recipe instructions, head over to Cook's Illustrated.  The recipe is also in the new Cook's Illustrated Cookbook.

Notebook on the road

This week my notebook is in Dad's kitchen instead of Di's. I knew that we'd be here in Pennsylvania for this week's Tuesdays with Dorie, and while I could just skip this week's recipe or put it off, I thought I'd give it a try despite the unusual venue. This week's Chocolate Chunkers come from Claudia of Fool for Food. I figured cookies would be fairly easy to pull off in a somewhat unfamiliar kitchen, and wouldn't need a lot of odd or difficult to find ingredients. What these cookies did need was chocolate, and lots of it. And me without my chocolate stash... =)

Before we left for our trip, I looked online and was able to find a number of people that had made the recipe before and posted it, so I didn't worry about copying the whole thing from my book. A couple nights ago I looked at the recipe and figured out what I'd need to buy. Bittersweet chocolate topped the list--I bought a bag of Ghirardelli 60% chips. (I melted half the bag for the dough and mixed in the rest for the chunks.) I also picked up a bar of Ghirardelli white chocolate--only four ounces, rather than six, but I'm not overly fond of white chocolate anyway. A tin of Hershey's regular cocoa jumped into the cart, and I picked up a new can of baking powder, since Dad's was dead (a use-by date of sometime in 2006, I think; I tested it and it barely fizzed at all). I thought I needed unsalted butter, but Dad had frozen some left over from when I was here in March. The one thing I missed was unsweetened chocolate, because the recipe I looked at didn't have it in the ingredient list. But I improvised with a bit more cocoa (1/3 cup instead of 1/4) and a bit more butter (four tablespoons instead of three). Raisins were on hand (unlike a lot of people, I love raisins and chocolate together), but I left out the nuts, since I know my kiddos don't like them much.

This is not the kitchen I grew up in. But many of the tools in it are familiar. Mixing bowls that I've used many times before, for instance. And a few newer things--like an unopened roll of parchment paper; my dad had no idea what it would be used for. My mom wasn't able to do much baking in recent years, though she used to do a lot. I remember the cheesecake phase quite well. =) And my dad isn't one for baking, though he tries... There was the birthday cake he tried to make for my mom one year when he didn't realize that the oven was set to broil instead of bake. Mmm, black on top and raw in the middle. =)

The cookies were pretty easy to mix up once I found everything. I'm not used to working without a scale, though. And I missed my favorite cookie scoop. Fortunately, when making dinner Sunday night, I figured out that the oven here runs hot and was able to adjust the temp down to 325 degrees F for the cookies. They took about 10 minutes to bake. I let them cool for a few minutes on the pan and then moved them to a rack. They didn't spread much, I assume due to the fact that there actually isn't a lot of butter in them (though the chocolate more than makes up for that). Brianna and Gillian woke up from their nap right when I was putting the first tray of cookies on the rack. Gillian immediately tried to help herself and was quite unhappy to be told that they were for dessert, later.

The verdict? Wow, there's a lot of chocolate in these! Yes, that should be obvious, but just looking at the recipe doesn't completely convey how much. Definitely have a tall glass of milk handy for these. Or a short one, if all you can find is a jelly jar glass like the one pictured above. =) (Another nostalgic find in the kitchen.) Everyone loved the cookies. My dad's favorite is regular chocolate chip, but he still managed to eat several of these. Brianna even liked the "chocolate covered" raisins. I'll be making these again. If you'd like to give them a try, you can find the recipe here on Claudia's blog.

For those who may be interested, my sister's wedding was beautiful, and everything went quite smoothly. The girls were both adorable. Gillian did manage to throw up on her dress a bit at the reception, no doubt because she'd been running around like a maniac. I don't have a good picture of them in their dresses, so the one above is from the park on Monday. They had a blast. I think my dad is more worn out than they are, though. It's been a good trip, though somewhat bittersweet.

Layers

I was reading a couple of posts in the last day or two that really hit home for me.  One was Clara's post for this week's Tuesdays with Dorie recipe.  She mentions that this week she realized just how much she's learned over the past few months.  The other was a recent post of Jayne's where she talks about the great payoff we get from making things ourselves, from scratch.  

I couldn't agree more with both of them.   What a difference a few months makes.  When I first started this blog and then later joined both Tuesdays with Dorie and the Daring Bakers, I wasn't very sure of myself.  I was pretty good at baking, but not all that adventurous.  The name of my blog comes from the paper notebook that I use to record my baking (and sometimes cooking) notes.  I've had it for just over three years.  I've filled as many pages in the last six months as I did in the previous two and a half years.  Wow.  

I'm used to getting compliments when I bring baked goods to work or other events.  But now it's at a whole new level.  People are just amazed that I would make some of these things myself, and from scratch.  I'm kind of amazed myself.  =)  And at the same time, I can't believe the number of talented bakers there are out there, telling the world about their creations.  The more I read other blogs, the more I'm inspired to put my own twist on things.  And take cool pictures while I'm at it.  

All of this musing was set off by my needing to write about this month's Daring Bakers creation, Opera Cake.  With a twist.  Traditional opera cake is made with flavors of dark chocolate and coffee.  Our hosts for this month decided to challenge everyone with something a bit different--white chocolate and light colors and flavors.  This recipe is a great example of how I've grown.  White chocolate isn't my favorite and I don't particularly like almonds, so I would normally pass right on by this one.  But I gave it a shot.  And with all of the things I've made recently, the batter for the joconde and the mousse and buttercream didn't faze me at all. I was very pleased with the final result.  

We were allowed to make our own choices as far as flavorings were concerned, as long as the result was light in color and flavor.  I knew immediately that I would go with my favorite, raspberry, for the mousse and buttercream.  I didn't add any flavoring to the cake layers other than the syrup used to moisten the cake.  I chose to use vanilla for that.  

The only real challenge I had with the cake was the fact that I only had one sheet pan that was the right size.  I had to bake the layers one at a time.  Fortunately, since the baking time was so short, the remaining batter didn't deflate too much while the first layer was baking.  The syrup was quick to put together.  I didn't have a chance to look for vanilla beans, so I used vanilla extract for it.  

I have to admit, I was quite confused by the recipe for the buttercream.  There were several corrections posted to the original recipe, and I wasn't sure which version to go with.  In the end, I exercised my option to use another buttercream, and used the one from March's Perfect Party Cake.  To flavor it with raspberry, I first tried substituting 1/4 cup of raspberry puree for the lemon juice.  That gave it a lovely pink color but not enough flavor.  So I added about three tablespoons of some amazing raspberry fruit butter (think jam but more intense).  The buttercream ended up being my favorite individual component.

I used the raspberry fruit butter for the mousse as well.  I started by melting some El Rey white chocolate disks with the cream.  My ganache tried to break, so I ended up adding a bit more cream and managed to whisk it together.  Then I whisked in the fruit butter (3-4 tablespoons) and folded in the whipped cream.  While I loved the flavor of the buttercream, the mousse was my favorite in texture.

Assembly went as directed, with no problems.  I put the cake in the fridge to chill before adding the glaze.  I did make a small modification there.  I just don't like white chocolate enough to put fourteen ounces of it on top of a cake.  So I only made half the glaze recipe (with more of the El Rey Icoa).  It was enough for a nice layer without being too thick.  

I ended up sharing the cake with two different groups.  Both were quite impressed with the finished structure.  And the combination of flavors was really nice.  But that won't stop me from using dark chocolate next time.  Ooh, dark chocolate with the raspberry buttercream--that's something I may have to try.  Yum.

Thanks to our fearless leaders Ivonne and Lis as well as two newer Daring Bakers, Fran and Shea, for hosting this month's challenge.  Check out their blogs for the complete Opera Cake recipe.  And a special mention for Barb of Winos and Foodies. This month's selection is dedicated to her and her support of LiveSTRONG Day, which was May 13th.