Peace on earth, and in cookies

Happy blogiversary to me!  5 years and 485 posts later, I'm still here. =)  I'd hoped to be closer to 500, but it's been a busy month.  I've been on vacation for the past few days and have finally had time to do some holiday stuff.  We finally put up the Christmas tree last weekend, and finished putting ornaments on it today.  Yes, it's been that kind of week.  On Wednesday I baked lots of cookies to take to G's kindergarten holiday party.  The kids had fun decorating the cookies (and eating lots of the decorations straight up, since I brought stuff like chocolate chips and m&m's).  B's party was Thursday, and at her request I made brownies for her to take.  Then on Friday I made a batch of caramel snack mix to bag up for my employees.  Right now I'm working on chocolate sponge cake that will be one component of a chocolate mousse cake (G's request for a holiday dessert).  Tomorrow I should finally get to cookies for us--and Santa Claus--now that I've finally gotten my hands on Hershey's kisses after looking at three different stores.  

Along with all the other baking, I wanted to make something for teacher gifts.  The girls were in favor of something chocolate.  I wanted something without nuts, since there are allergy issues at the schools.  I also wanted a dough that was easy to make ahead if necessary and bake off as needed.  I've never been a big fan of slice & bake cookies, but I may have changed my mind this year, after settling on Dorie's World Peace Cookies as the recipe to make.  I've made them before, of course, but not in as large a quantity as I did this year.  To make them more festive, I substituted peppermint crunch baking bits for part of the chopped chocolate, and used mini chocolate chips for the rest.  

The verdict?  I've made three batches so far, and will make at least one more to ship, since these should be sturdy enough to travel.  I got a couple of notes from the teachers, saying that they really liked the chocolate & peppermint combo.  I've stashed away several bags of the mint baking bits so I'll be able to make a bunch more of these if we want.  I've also passed out the recipe to several people, and I hope they'll give them a try for themselves.  If you'd like to, you can find the recipe online at Bon Appetit.

I've really enjoyed sharing both my baked goods and my life with all of you over the past 5 years--I've made lots of great friends, which is without a doubt one of the best things about blogging.  Here's to many more wonderful years!

Some assembly required

I've decided that I like this whole wrap-around vacation thing that I did this time.  I was off starting on the 4th, and went back to work yesterday.  It was long enough for a good rest, and I got to have two short work weeks!  I can definitely see myself doing this again, especially since we don't usually go anywhere when I'm off--I'm just making sure that I use my vacation time so I don't lose it.  

It's amazing how getting somewhat caught up on sleep can improve your whole outlook on life.  As I mentioned in my last post, I was totally stressed out by everything that was going on in my life.  I was having a great Twitter conversation with my friends Rebecca & Abby on Tuesday (before I went back to work) about the fact that I was mostly in need of an attitude adjustment.  Work is what it is, and I need to pay the bills.  Heck, I actually mostly like what I do, and I'm darn good at it.  But I need to learn to leave work at work.  I don't mean that I actually bring stuff home, since my job isn't the sort where I can really do that.  I mean that I need to do a better job of shifting gears mentally so that I don't bring the stress home with me.  Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I have to start somewhere.  

One of the things that I've been doing this summer is participating in an online course that focuses on bringing more play, rest and kindness into our lives on a daily basis.  I realized that my worrying about work so much was interfering with my rest for sure, and meant that I was seldom in the mood for any play.  And I need to be kinder to myself.  One of the messages from earlier this week was, "You are enough. (it's true)"  Too often, I feel like I'm not at all close to being enough.  But if I keep telling myself that I am, maybe I'll start to believe it.

So what does the dessert pictured here have to do with all this?  Well, it was part of my attempt to "play" more.  I bake for a couple of reasons.  For one, I really enjoy making things for others--I like seeing them happy, and enjoy the compliments I receive, too. =)  But I also bake because I like to "play around," as Dorie Greenspan says.  I like to see what will happen if I change things up a bit with a recipe, or take components from different places and put them together in new ways.  

I have to admit, the mini parfait idea was inspired by a show on (I think) Cooking Channel.  They profiled a bakery called Vanilla Bakeshop that does these in a variety of flavors.  My first thought was that it was a cool idea.  My second was, "I can do that!"  I treated myself to a visit to Crate & Barrel while I was on vacation, and among other things, I came home with several 3-oz shot glasses.  So then I just had to figure out what to put in them.  I could have used crumbled cookies or bits of cake, but then I remembered these Cocoa Crumbs that Dorie posted about recently.  Naturally, I had to experiment--I did two half-batches, one with Valrhona dutch-processed cocoa, and one with Scharffen Berger natural cocoa.  For the pudding-y part, I turned to Dorie again, this time pulling out my copy of Baking, which has a recipe for creamy chocolate pastry cream in the back of the book.  I whipped up some cream, and started layering.  (A pastry bag & piping tip make it much easier to get the pastry cream and whipped cream neatly into the tall, skinny containers.)  At the last minute, I also drizzled in some raspberry sauce, since I love the combination of raspberry with chocolate.  

The verdict?  Mmm, we really enjoyed these delightful desserts.  The small size is just enough to get a good taste of everything without feeling like you're overindulging.  The crumbs made with the Dutch-processed cocoa are very reminiscent of Oreos, which isn't a bad thing, but I really enjoyed the ones with natural cocoa, too.  They had a more interesting character.  I hope you'll experiment for yourself to see which you like better.  I'll be making more of these soon--I can't wait to try different flavor combinations.  

Be good to yourself

So, do any of you totally beat yourselves up after making a mistake?  I just can't seem to stop.  Logically, I know that I just need to learn from it and move on, since I can't change what's already happened.  But emotionally, I can't let it go.  I go over and over things in my head, finding all of the things that I think I should have noticed at the time.   Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and the more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. (And of course none of this is helped by the fact that I've been really, really tired due to my crazy work schedule the past couple of weeks.)

I really need to stop being such a perfectionist.  Yes, it's important to do a good job.  But the world won't end if things aren't totally perfect.  I'm that way about way too many things in my life, including baking.  I can't seem to help apologizing for everything, including things that other people wouldn't have any clue about if I didn't say anything.  I'm starting to realize that it keeps me from blogging more, too.  I worry that my pictures don't look good enough.  I worry that what I write about isn't interesting enough.

So how do you deal with this sort of stuff?  How do you get yourselves out of a funk and back to being more productive?

I debated whether to share these cookies.  After all, I've already blogged about the base recipe, the Cook's Illustrated Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Why would anyone be interested a relatively small change that I made?  But what the heck--I like the way they turned out, and maybe you wouldn't think to do it on your own, or wouldn't know how to go about it.  It may have seemed to me like an obvious thing to try, but not everyone thinks like me.  (Thank goodness, or we'd all be too busy worrying to ever get anything done!)

I've altered cookie doughs in the past by substituting cocoa powder for some of the flour in the recipe.  You don't want to just add cocoa, or you'll end up with dry cookies.  Cocoa has a starchy quality to it, so it can fill in for part of the flour.  I decided to swap out about half a cup.  I prefer the flavor of natural cocoa, so that's what I used.  I wanted to bring out as much of the chocolate flavor as possible, so I took a tip from some of the chocolate cake recipes I make--a number of them mix cocoa with boiling water so the flavor can "bloom."  I didn't have water in this recipe, so I whisked it into the warm browned butter before adding the sugars.  Other than that, I followed the recipe as written.  For the mix-ins, I wanted a couple different types, so I split the dough in half.  Both portions got chocolate chips, but one half also got peanut butter chips while the other got white chips.  I like chocolate and peanut butter, but Gillian recently informed me that she does NOT like the PB chips.  Plus I wanted to be able to pack some of the cookies in Brianna's school lunch (this was about a month ago), and she really shouldn't take things with peanut butter.

The verdict?  Well, happily, I'm doing a lot better than when I started writing this post this morning.  I got past the sick feeling in my stomach and got mad at the situation, instead of just at myself.  And the cookies?  They were much appreciated both at home and at work.  I'll definitely be making this chocolate version again.  If you'd like to give it a try for yourself, here's the ingredient list I used.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
(adapted from Cook's Illustrated)

200 grams all-purpose flour
45 grams natural cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
14 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
100 grams granulated sugar
150 grams dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon table salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
340 grams mix-ins of your choice

For the recipe instructions, head over to Cook's Illustrated.  The recipe is also in the new Cook's Illustrated Cookbook.

One-sentence Wednesday - From the heart

For our Valentine's Day breakfast, I tweaked a scone recipe from King Arthur Flour--substituting cocoa powder for some of the flour (I used 42 grams of cocoa & 285 grams of flour) and adding a cup (170 grams) of chocolate chips--cut my scones into hearts, baked them for 18 minutes (skipping the freezing step), and added a simple glaze (milk & powdered sugar); the girls were impressed that I made them heart-shaped. =)

One little word

Happy New Year!  Hopefully 2012 is treating you all well so far.  My year started with house guests and a busy work schedule, so I haven't had much time for blogging.  But I had this weekend off, which means time to bake, so I now I have a bunch of stuff to share.  First, though, I wanted to write about my ideas for what I want for my life in 2012.

I don't do New Year's resolutions.  But last week, I read an intriguing post on my friend Anandi's blog. Rather than starting off the year with resolutions, she came up with a single word to use as her theme for the year.  She shared a post from Ali Edwards, who has been doing One Little Word for a number of years now.  The idea is to come up with one word that stands for what you want for yourself for the year.  I started reading through the comments on Ali's post where others had shared the words they picked and why they chose them.  Some were interesting, but after a little bit of reading I found the one that really spoke to me.  FOCUS.  That's what I want for my life this year.  

I struggle a lot with stress and anxiety--I'm a worrier by nature.  The more things that are going on, the more I feel overwhelmed and unable to figure out where to start.  So I don't.  I just shut down and avoid dealing with anything.  I also worry way too much about being perfect and about what others think, instead of figuring out what's right for me.  Already, I see my daughter Brianna (who'll be nine this month) struggling with these same things.  I want to provide a better example for her.  I need to focus on doing a better job of taking care of me so I can do a better job of taking care of everyone and everything else.  I need to focus and handle one thing at a time.  Heck, I need to slow down and figure out which things really need to be handled by me, which can be handled by someone else, and which things just aren't that important.  

Sometimes I feel like I'm forty years old and I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up.  I tend to go with the flow and do what's expected of me, instead of figuring out what I really want.  I've struggled with that a lot in the past year.  It's really hard for me to say no when someone else wants me to do something, and even when I do say no, I end up feeling really guilty.  I need to focus on that inner voice, listen to it, and give up the guilt.  I suspect it's going to take me the entire year (maybe longer) to get good at all these things.  And that's okay.

When I shared with Anandi that I was going to do One Little Word this year along with her, she asked if I was going to write about it, or "maybe bake a cake with FOCUS iced onto it?"  Well, here you go!  It was too good an idea to pass up.  The great thing about this cake is that it's really quick and easy to make, and it's delicious.  It was published in Fine Cooking in 2004, and I've made it quite a few times since then, but have never blogged about it.  The recipe is from one of my favorite authors of chocolate recipes, Alice Medrich.  One reason I love her is that she most often uses natural cocoa, which I prefer. I broke out the good stuff--Scharffen Berger--since cocoa provides all the chocolate flavor in the cake itself.  Once the cake is cooled, you top it with ganache for another punch of chocolate flavor.  To be honest, I've topped the warm cake with ganache and promptly eaten it with vanilla ice cream, and it's quite fabulous that way.  This time, though, I made sure the cake was cool and then let the ganache set for several hours so I'd be able to decorate it.  

The verdict?  Anything with chocolate is well-received in this house, and this was no exception. =)  As soon as Brianna and Gillian saw it, they wanted to know how soon they could have some.  One thing I really like about this cake is its size--just the one layer, so we actually get through all of it while it's still at its best.  

If you'd like to try the cake for yourself, you can find it here at Fine Cooking.  (The recipe appears to be available to all, not just website subscribers.)  If you're thinking of picking a word for yourself, Ali compiled a list from the comments on her post--you can find it here, and see what speaks to you.  

Stay tuned for more posts this week.  I've come up with some ideas for what I want to focus on here on my blog this year.  I want variety, as well as the chance to share lots of things that I like, and I think I've come up with a good way to do that.