Be good to yourself

So, do any of you totally beat yourselves up after making a mistake?  I just can't seem to stop.  Logically, I know that I just need to learn from it and move on, since I can't change what's already happened.  But emotionally, I can't let it go.  I go over and over things in my head, finding all of the things that I think I should have noticed at the time.   Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and the more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. (And of course none of this is helped by the fact that I've been really, really tired due to my crazy work schedule the past couple of weeks.)

I really need to stop being such a perfectionist.  Yes, it's important to do a good job.  But the world won't end if things aren't totally perfect.  I'm that way about way too many things in my life, including baking.  I can't seem to help apologizing for everything, including things that other people wouldn't have any clue about if I didn't say anything.  I'm starting to realize that it keeps me from blogging more, too.  I worry that my pictures don't look good enough.  I worry that what I write about isn't interesting enough.

So how do you deal with this sort of stuff?  How do you get yourselves out of a funk and back to being more productive?

I debated whether to share these cookies.  After all, I've already blogged about the base recipe, the Cook's Illustrated Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Why would anyone be interested a relatively small change that I made?  But what the heck--I like the way they turned out, and maybe you wouldn't think to do it on your own, or wouldn't know how to go about it.  It may have seemed to me like an obvious thing to try, but not everyone thinks like me.  (Thank goodness, or we'd all be too busy worrying to ever get anything done!)

I've altered cookie doughs in the past by substituting cocoa powder for some of the flour in the recipe.  You don't want to just add cocoa, or you'll end up with dry cookies.  Cocoa has a starchy quality to it, so it can fill in for part of the flour.  I decided to swap out about half a cup.  I prefer the flavor of natural cocoa, so that's what I used.  I wanted to bring out as much of the chocolate flavor as possible, so I took a tip from some of the chocolate cake recipes I make--a number of them mix cocoa with boiling water so the flavor can "bloom."  I didn't have water in this recipe, so I whisked it into the warm browned butter before adding the sugars.  Other than that, I followed the recipe as written.  For the mix-ins, I wanted a couple different types, so I split the dough in half.  Both portions got chocolate chips, but one half also got peanut butter chips while the other got white chips.  I like chocolate and peanut butter, but Gillian recently informed me that she does NOT like the PB chips.  Plus I wanted to be able to pack some of the cookies in Brianna's school lunch (this was about a month ago), and she really shouldn't take things with peanut butter.

The verdict?  Well, happily, I'm doing a lot better than when I started writing this post this morning.  I got past the sick feeling in my stomach and got mad at the situation, instead of just at myself.  And the cookies?  They were much appreciated both at home and at work.  I'll definitely be making this chocolate version again.  If you'd like to give it a try for yourself, here's the ingredient list I used.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
(adapted from Cook's Illustrated)

200 grams all-purpose flour
45 grams natural cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
14 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
100 grams granulated sugar
150 grams dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon table salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
340 grams mix-ins of your choice

For the recipe instructions, head over to Cook's Illustrated.  The recipe is also in the new Cook's Illustrated Cookbook.

It's great to be eight

While I may have issues with January, one part that makes me really happy is Brianna's birthday.  I can't believe she turned 8 today! It seems like just yesterday that she was a tiny baby, and now she's even past the little girl stage. While she's changed so much, one thing that hasn't changed at all is her favorite cake--chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.  Both the cake for her party on Sunday and the cupcakes for school today were very chocolatey, though she surprised me by asking for vanilla filling for the cake.  (It ended up being really good!)  

Somehow in the midst of all this chocolate cake baking, I managed to find time for this week's Tuesdays with Dorie recipe.  As luck would have it, it was another cake!  Jennifer of Cooking for Comfort picked the Nutty, Chocolatey, Swirly Sour Cream Bundt Cake for us to make this week.  It still had some chocolate in it, but I figured the vanilla cake would be a nice change from everything else.  I was originally going to bake it on Saturday, but that day got eaten up with a trip to IKEA and some subsequent assembly.  (One down, two to go!)  B's birthday party was at lunchtime on Sunday, so it was Sunday evening before I finally got to tackle the bundt cake.  

This cake was easy to mix up--it uses the creaming method, with sour cream for the dairy/liquid.  The batter is layered with the swirl ingredients--batter, swirl, batter, swirl, batter.  I left a few things out.  I skipped the orange zest in the cake batter, since I wasn't in the mood for orange (and didn't have any to zest, as it turned out).  For the swirl, I used brown sugar in place of the granulated sugar called for in the recipe.  I kept the cinnamon and mini chocolate chips, but skipped the dried fruit and nuts, as they would have resulted in complaints from one or both of my children.  I couldn't pass up the chance to use my new bundt pan again, and the amount of batter was just right for that pan.  I started checking the cake at about 50 minutes, since I'm still getting used to this new pan.  I pulled it out of the oven at 65 minutes.

The verdict?  I liked this one, but the cake was just a tad dry.  I may have overbaked it slightly, but it kept testing not-done in the middle--confused by the swirl, no doubt.  And I'd actually prefer it with nuts instead of the chocolate chips.  I don't like cinnamon with chocolate, but I love it with pecans.  Of course, B&G love anything with chocolate chips, so they thought it was fine as is.  About half the cake went to the daycare on Monday.  When I picked up Gillian today, I found an empty container and a note thanking me for the yummy cake. =)

If you'd like to give this one a try, and come up with your own version of the swirl, you can find the recipe on Jennifer's blog.  To see how everyone else fared, check out this week's Links.  

Some pics of my 8-year-old birthday girl Brianna, then and now.  Where does the time go?  How do they get so big so fast?